Barcelona lawyers throw keys like Patches O’Houlihan in Dodgeball | Lionel messi

DON’T CRY FOR ME, ETC

Despite the best attempts by several top attention seekers, no one managed to steal Lionel Messi’s thunder and tearful Barcelona farewell to Barcelona on Sunday. On a normal Monday, The Fiver could turn their rowdy, bloodshot gaze on Referee’s Keith Stroud for cheap chuckles as the attention-seeking official has been spotted blow a kiss to a soccer ball on a pedestal as he exited the Craven Cottage tunnel ahead of its season opener in which Fulham and Middlesbrough played supporting roles.

Alternatively, we could have focused on the antics of another legendary spotlight hogger who already went ‘full José’ by getting kicked, along with three of his Roma players, in a pre-season friendly. against Real Betis who did not quite live up to their billing. And with the Olympics finally over, we would have had the right to flip the edge of our fedora in honor of Brazilian Under-23 representative Dani Alves, 38, who could hardly have seemed more thrilled to adding Olympic gold to a personal collection of brilliant medals he could easily fill an empty pool with before diving in Scrooge McDuck’s way.

But no, despite that and a myriad of other distractions from the weekend, it’s Messi’s long goodbye and the reaction that follows that continues to make headlines. “I’m so grateful for the love people showed me those years,” he said at yesterday’s Camp Nou press conference, his remarks punctuated by occasional words from him. himself and others. “I have been here all my life. I’m not ready for this. And last year, with all the nonsense, I was convinced of what I meant, but this year it’s not the same. This year my family and I were convinced that we were going to stay here, this is what we all wanted more than anything.

While Messi insisted he “couldn’t have done more” to try to stay at Barca, there was no shortage of chair accountants and Spanish labor law experts on social media were quick to point out that ‘he was almost certainly rich enough to have offered to continue to represent. the club for minimum wage, apparently oblivious that such a move would be illegal and still leave Barca well above the salary / turnover threshold they need to reach before they can sign the four players – Memphis Depay, Sergio Agüero, Eric García and the other – they have already signed this summer. In order to balance the books they need to ship other players but Philippe Coutinho, Ousmane Dembélé, Samuel Umtiti and Antoine Griezmann are all under contract and demand for their services appears to be limited.

With Messi seemingly battling with Paris Saint-Germain, lawyers representing Barcelona members are said to be throwing keys like Patches O’Houlihan in Dodgeball, another true underdog story, into the weak and desperate hope that we can land in financial fair play works. Meanwhile, in slightly better news for Barca, it was revealed that the club don’t have to panic to get Agüero registered to play, as their summer rookie was ruled out until at least the end of October with a stroke particularly unpleasant calf.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“He’s a high level player, and I also hear a big boy. You look there, but he’s a BVB player. Sixty goals in 60 games. You have to watch, otherwise we would be full amateurs. ”- Bayern Munich sporting director Hasan Salihamidzic wiggles his eyelashes at Erling Haaland, and lines up for a promotion.

Oh oh. Photograph: DeFodi Images / Getty Images

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

It’s the latest Football Weekly pod, with a focus on you-know-who (and how seagulls sleep).

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The pod’s Premier League live preview is also coming soon. Buy your tickets here.

FIVE LETTERS

“I just had our fantasy league auction yesterday (didn’t go very well), and I ended up accidentally going into the ‘aka’. What I mean, obviously, is that I bought Wan-Bissaka, Bukayo Saka, and Patson Daka. Three ‘aka’s out of the five available (the other two are of course Granit Xhaka and Marvelous Nakamba). I unfortunately cannot include Lacazette, due to its lack of k. What other three-letter collections do we find repeated among Premiership players? Did someone beat my five ‘aka’s? OK, I imagine there are a lot of threads actually, so don’t bother with that one ”- Sholem Lenkiewicz.

“Re: Franny Lee, he not only made quick recoveries to ship the resulting penalties (Friday letters), but also to ship handbags. Too bad Norman Hunter is no longer with us to confirm” – Tony Christopher.

Send your letters to [email protected] And you can still tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our invaluable letter of the day is… Sholem Lenkiewicz.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Romelu Lukaku has completed the main part of his medical checkup from Chelsea to Milan after the Premier League club agreed to pay Inter € 115million (£ 97.5million) to re-sign the attacker.

Ah, 2011. The good old days.
Ah, 2011. The good old days. Photograph: Shaun Botterill / Getty Images

In an announcement that will delight fans of oratory and rhetoric around the world, Nuno Espirito Santo will meet “soon” with Harry Kane.

Adam Armstrong of Blackburn is preparing to meet Stuart Armstrong of Southampton after the Saints sent Rovers £ 15million in a large brown envelope.

Woe to defensive injuries for Liverpool, with Andy Robertson – who has started every league game season – limping in a pre-season friendly against Athletic Bilbao with a suspected ankle kick!

Eight goals in 14 games while on loan at Newcastle has convinced Mikel Arteta that Joe Willock is precisely the kind of player who does not match his sophisticated take on Arsenal. As such, Newcastle have agreed to a transfer fee of around £ 22million for the midfielder.

WANT EVEN MORE?

OK, no one wants VAR anymore, but officials are hoping a lighter touch will help stop the Premier League controversies next season. Paul MacInnes has more.

Speaking of which, here’s Alex Hess with six young tears to watch out for once it starts.

From left to right: Anthony Elanga (Manchester United), Carney Chukwuemeka (Aston Villa), Folarin Balogun (Arsenal), Billy Gilmour (Norwich), Ademipo Odubeko (West Ham), Michael Olise (Crystal Palace).
From left to right: Anthony Elanga (Manchester United), Carney Chukwuemeka (Aston Villa), Folarin Balogun (Arsenal), Billy Gilmour (Norwich), Ademipo Odubeko (West Ham), Michael Olise (Crystal Palace). Composite: Guardian

Apparently the Premier League is resuming this weekend, so here are our brilliant previews for Liverpool and Manchester City.

Rafael Benítez is the manager of Everton! When you’re done chuckling again, read Richard Jolly’s conversation with various fans of the Merseyside rivals about the Spaniard’s date.

Adam White explains why it’s not just PSG fans in France who want the Messi deal to come true.

The rumor mill (!) Is back, baby.

Catch up with the latest moves in our interactive transfer for women and men.

And sign up here to receive a daily Big Sports Day email. It’s not particularly funny but hey, glass houses and all that.

Oh, and if that’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, ALSO!


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About Bernice Dyer

Bernice Dyer

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